Stress Eating & Addictions: What do you reach for when the chips are down?

the present...
Today I wanted to put sugar in my tea. To most that might not seem unusual but I haven't put sugar in my tea for about 6 months now. The reason I wanted to do it now is because I'm going through a very stressful time you see, my dog Noopy whom I was with when he was born, has been sick. I have been in and out of doctors offices and veterinary hospitals and so very worried about him.

This morning started off quite intense. I woke to find him curled up on the chair and as I approached I realized he was tremoring all over and highly uncomfortable. My mind started to panic and imagine all possible frightening scenarios, my adrenaline shot up and tears started to fall. Luckily, thankfully, I was able to do the very first thing I find helpful when stress is overwhelming.

I said a prayer asking for protection for both Noopy and me and then I picked up the phone to talk to my supportive friends and family. Shortly afterward Chris came over and helped me give Noopy medication and his pain subsided. As Chris left I began making my tea, feeling better in the knowledge that he would have some pain relief at least.

As it steeped, I put on laundry and started doing some basic tasks one normally does when not in an emergency state. I then went to my cup of tea and as I pulled out the cream, I considered putting in a teaspoon of organic raw, sludgy sugar. Yet I made a decision months ago that sugar first thing in the morning didn't feel good to my body. I'd done so well and almost never craved it but discovered I do when I am under intense stress. I want that something extra, that boost, that feeling of sugar coursing through my veins and the temporary lift if offers.

But rather than grabbing for a spoonful this time, I listened and noticed what was going on in my body. Then I chose to proceed with my new normal, had my tea without sugar but I also started to consider stress eating and addictions which to me go hand-in-hand.

the past...
Many years ago in Louisiana, my father suddenly passed out in line at the Picadilly Cafeteria. Thankfully my brother was with him. They called the ambulance, rushed him into the emergency room and the Dr.s saw he was having the signs of a heart attack and gave him nitro glycerin to rapidly thin his blood. Upon receiving it, rather than getting better, my father became gravely ill because they had improperly diagnosed him. He wasn't having a heart attack but rather bleeding ulcers that had caused a huge blood loss and giving him blood thinners had put him in grave danger.

I remember walking into ICU to see him. He was white as fresh snow but also had a gray tint underneath. There were tubes and monitors and stands of IVs everywhere and I was terrified I'd lose him. At some point in the middle of that long night, my mother came to sit with him and my brother and I went to go bathe, change and have an hour or so at home.

the dawning...
On the way home I stopped at the local convenience store in my distraught stupor. I automatically ambled to the frozen section and picked out two types of ice cream and stumbled to the counter. I looked up at the line in front of me and there was my brother Nathan with two 6-packs of beer in his hand and some chewing tobacco. We both gave smile nods and slight smiles. He paid, then I did, and said, "see you later" and got in our cars.

That night, something in my head clicked but I didn't know why or what exactly. I went home, took desperate spoonfuls of slurpy rich ice cream, bathed and went back to hospital duty. I saw my brother the next day and we only talked about Dad's condition, never mentioning the night before.

before you can conquer an enemy, you first have to know what or who it is...
Years later when I helped with the care of my mother and stepfather, I became aware of what each of our family members gravitated toward to make them feel better. My mother wanted salty, greasy things like fries and potato chips and my sister craved dairy in the form of creamy, buttery things. To this day my sister eats a tiny piece of raw butter like its the finest dessert in the world.

She believes many crave dairy and creamy things when under stress because we were fed by mother's milk (or some formula), as infants and drinking or eating something similar brings comfort. When we have extreme stress we often crave our mother or parents and the love, warmth and strength they gave us. Perhaps when reaching for ice cream I was also reaching for the support and love of my infancy.

As the years passed and my brother Nathan grew more into a man with more and more manly stresses, he unfortunately turned to his alcohol "comfort" too much. He never learned to cope well with stress though you wouldn't have known it from looking at him. He always seemed so calm and so in control. But he was hiding in his addictions, drinking often when others didn't see him and maintaining an incredible amount of control. Upon his getting sick and tragically dying at the age of 44 I can't tell you the amount of people, (close friends of his!), said, "I had no idea it was this bad! Sure he drank and sometimes too much but I would have never guessed!" We often hide our addictions from others and sometimes we don't even acknowledge them to ourselves. There is power in acknowledgment.

I now know that night at the convenience store we were nodding quietly at our addictions being seen by the other. We'd both chosen a pretty anonymous place to go on the way home, hoping I'm sure we wouldn't run into anyone we knew and have to explain our actions or be seen. We wanted to grab our comfort and go home to soothe ourselves in whatever way we could.

the future...
So what's your stress reaction? Do you turn to cigarettes, alcohol, sugar, white flour, buttery things, salty things, danger, sex or shopping when you are stressed? My belief at this time is that we all have some automatic behaviors we tend toward. Some are more unhealthy than others and some of us appear to have less control than others about the choices we make with what we crave. I also believe we can get better at this.

For me, noticing and listening to what I desire is the first key factor. Realizing I'm under lots of stress and I might want chocolate or caffeine to get a little boost of energy or endorphins helps because then I can make a choice. I have my first reaction, the "crave", then once I really listen to it, I can make a choice. "Would that really make me feel better? or do I need something else?" is what I've started asking after I deeply acknowledge the desire.

Sometimes what I long for is exactly what I want and I have it but often in smaller amounts than I might have had I not heard what my body and desires were screaming. Other times though, I hear that I want a cupcake because it's easy and sweet and fast but what my body really craves deeply underneath the automatic response is something fresh like fruit or raw veggies to help hydrate me and give me a less sluggish feeling. And sometimes, interestingly enough, what I most want is a hug or to be held and comforted and many many in this culture don't have an outlet for that. I am hoping we work to change this issue and become more physically warm toward one another, I believe that alone would help comfort many in pain.

the steps toward a solution...
I realize some people don't have the ability to stop and notice addictive behaviors but if you are one who is becoming more aware of your automatic reactions then you could also walk the line with me. When you don't take these steps, often stress eating and addictions rule you rather than being choices. Becoming conscious of what's going on with you is key.

Here are the basic steps:
(some of these may sound obvious but there is such power in acknowledgment and noticing, don't discount them until you try!)

*Be aware that you are experiencing stress (moving, breakup, new relationship, any physical, emotional, or mental trauma for you or those you love) or maybe not getting enough rest or working too many hours, anything that depletes you can be a stressor... {oddly sometimes I didn't admit this piece and when you don't, the other automatic reactions have power}

*Notice & acknowledge what you are craving. Sometimes I crave moving. When I get bad news, fight-or-flight kicks in and if I move I'm much better off. At hospitals, I am known for running up and down stairs just to let the adrenaline get out of my body. Other times, often after the immediate anxiety, I want to go look at the vending machines for a little 'pick-me-up'. All of these reactions and desires are important informaion.

*Once you've acknowledged your desires deeply (rather than trying to stuff them), and understand the reason why, i.e., "sugar or caffeine gives me energy or a cocktail helps me relax or sex makes me feel loved", then slow down the process a little, realize you have the choice to have that if you want, or something else, and see if that's what you really want and need at that moment. Sometimes it will be, but other times it won't! It's a fascinating process to learn.

*Finally, after you've made your choice, see how you feel and again, *acknowledge to yourself that you are under tremendous stress* and that people under stress often fail to take care of themselves. Try to take a moment to do what Cheryl Richardson refers to as Extreme Self Care. That can mean anything from taking a bath, doing laundry, taking a walk, cleaning our your freezer or cooking yourself a soup. As you are probably still under stress at this moment, give yourself grace not to get everything done but pick one or two. One perhaps that 'must' get done and one that will start to make you feel more cared for.

Remember... there is a reason flight attendants stress that adults put on oxygen masks before putting them on their children. If you are not taking care of yourself, you are no good to someone else. And as Cheryl Richardson also points out, If it feels selfish to eat or perform self care, that's a cue you need it even more.

Now, breathe..........