"You'll never look at dinner the same way," Food Inc
As I wake up to prepare dishes for our local potluck and viewing of Food Inc I have such mixed emotions. I'm excited to see friends and family. I'm excited about the dishes I'm making and flowers I'm arranging but I am somewhat dreading watching the movie because it has changed the way so many of my friends view food. Funny. I think I am pretty concsious about where things comes from and try to eat more healthy than most including buying only organic meat and growing most of my own vegetables but there is the fear of what scenes might be disturbing to children and what information might further change the complexity of my eating patterns.
I sourced ingredients which wasn't easy. Meat, particularly was complex. I did find grass-raised cattle finally and at least one local source for chickens and ducks. Fish was another matter. I am entirely frustrated with what I've learned already. Maybe that's part of the problem?
I was just opening the packets of locally raised beef. I don't eat beef much but when I do have that rare taco or burger, it's a treat. I used to think nothing of opening a sealed pack and making a dish. Today, however is different. Because I am dreading what I will see and because I know the beef is more local and I was told how they "finish" the cows by moving them into a pasture in Oak View and keeping them grazing and "low adrenalin"...because I was told all of this, I'm starting to take it personally, as though I know these cows.
I wanted guests to be able to taste the difference between grassfed and corn fed meat, because we've forgotten how meat is meant to taste and how things will taste if the animals themselves were eating the diet they were meant to. I want us to have an 'ah hah' moment.
The blood in the packaging is different. Packed by supermarkets I rarely see much blood. When I buy organic and particularly this ground beef, there is fresh blood. I get grossed out and don't want to touch it, then I stop myself, almost like a slap on the face and say outloud, "There is no meat without blood, this is something you must remember!" And it is pure and real and I am walking through it. (psychologically)
I remember when my father had one of his organic cows slaughtered for beef. This is why he'd raised the cattle and wanted to bring this healthy food to our family. My brother went to help him process and package it. It took all day and was a rough, exhausting situation. And I received that beef and cooked it for them yet had this same reaction. It was so much more real and yes, there was more blood. My brother was worn down and my father later had to trade cattle with another organic farmer because it was too hard on him. Though a farmer all his life, dealing with life and death on a daily basis, he had this attachment to cows and loved "his ranch" and "his herd".
When did I become so removed from my food? Hunting, fishing, cleaning animals...This took place around me constantly but now I am in this pristine bubble as though I haven't witnessed this before.
Maybe it's my fearful mind playing tricks on me. Maybe it's the product. I just hope I can eat tonight. Like a student about to walk into orientation I wonder so many things. What will now be expected of me? Will it make sense? Is this a step that will forever change my life? But I cannot know how today will change me until tomorrow. None of us can. But I am a student and I go there and see.
